"This might come off sounding stupid because I'm not sure I can put it in the right words. I just don’t fully understand or grasp how to live a fulfilled or happy life. I feel like I am just trying to hope for something better all the time and that it never comes.
"Do you know what I mean? It's like nothing makes me happy anymore. I don’t LOVE to do anything. I just do things. I live day to day, and can’t wait to go to sleep at night, and hate waking up in the morning.
"It sounds a lot more dismal than I mean it to… I sound miserable, or suicidal, which is not what I mean at all. I just wish I LOVED or felt passionate about something. Anything! I hate going through the motions, and that’s all I do these days."
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Quote of the Day
"Human beings have speculated about the relationship between inspiration and insanity for centuries." - Patty Duke
(This is what is a constant debate in my mind for the last month... even longer if I really think about it, I guess.)
(This is what is a constant debate in my mind for the last month... even longer if I really think about it, I guess.)
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
... continued.
"And why does it scare you so much? What I am? Why am I confined to hiding in myself? Why can’t I bare my soul with no misunderstandings, so misappropriations, no hope that someday I’ll ‘turn’? Is there any way to avoid a padded room, literal or otherwise?
"These flashes of inspiration only come now and again. The more I have them, the more I realize that I crave them. I want them. I don’t want them to go! I want my life to be a constant whirlwind. I don’t want to be able to keep up with myself… to ever settle down long enough to learn if I’ve missed anything. I want to fill every single nano-second with something meaningful, and hopeful, and beautiful, and intricate. I want to live a reverie, not just dream about creating one in the future.
"Because the future, well, it eventually becomes now. And the reverie still isn’t there – it gets pushed off towards tomorrow. A tomorrow that never comes to fruition because, well, tomorrow becomes today, and the reverie stays there: tomorrow.
"I need to calm this urge that yearns for the adrenaline of the unknown."
"These flashes of inspiration only come now and again. The more I have them, the more I realize that I crave them. I want them. I don’t want them to go! I want my life to be a constant whirlwind. I don’t want to be able to keep up with myself… to ever settle down long enough to learn if I’ve missed anything. I want to fill every single nano-second with something meaningful, and hopeful, and beautiful, and intricate. I want to live a reverie, not just dream about creating one in the future.
"Because the future, well, it eventually becomes now. And the reverie still isn’t there – it gets pushed off towards tomorrow. A tomorrow that never comes to fruition because, well, tomorrow becomes today, and the reverie stays there: tomorrow.
"I need to calm this urge that yearns for the adrenaline of the unknown."
"Why do I feel most alive when I am in this state? When my soul is pulsing with passion, hurt, envy, pain… every gut wrenching emotion that pours through my veins, my arteries, my core? Why do my eyes feel wild? Why do I feel out of control? Like one second I want to laugh hysterically, and the next there are tears flowing down my cheeks? Almost catatonic, some would say. Numb stupor interspersed with psychotic, excited outbursts. Sometimes there is a lot of light… other times there is a lot of grey. Not dark, just grey. Gloom, doom. No hope.
"It’s like when I am happy, I am dead. I don’t feel anything as well as I feel this. And these times are impossible to predict. They are always instigated by one thing, though. Art. Creativity. Emotion. After I thought I’ve become just numb enough, it all rushes back… the feelings of emptiness and despair, the nine to five I can’t escape.
"Times like these, my eyes are wild. I am not my mature, responsible self. I want nothing more than to run away, to flee everything I have ever known, in favour of a more creative lifestyle. I want to live in sunshine, to run free all of the time. I want no responsibilities. I don’t care about money, or possessions.
"And then… just when I think I’ve hit the extreme of crazy… it’s succumbs again, and the numbness sets in once more… and it’s over. The very psychosis that made me so happy, so chaotic, and so melancholy with EMOTION for such a short time is gone. And I am the empty shell I’ve always been.
"And mostly, I am left to wonder... can you ever understand?"
"It’s like when I am happy, I am dead. I don’t feel anything as well as I feel this. And these times are impossible to predict. They are always instigated by one thing, though. Art. Creativity. Emotion. After I thought I’ve become just numb enough, it all rushes back… the feelings of emptiness and despair, the nine to five I can’t escape.
"Times like these, my eyes are wild. I am not my mature, responsible self. I want nothing more than to run away, to flee everything I have ever known, in favour of a more creative lifestyle. I want to live in sunshine, to run free all of the time. I want no responsibilities. I don’t care about money, or possessions.
"And then… just when I think I’ve hit the extreme of crazy… it’s succumbs again, and the numbness sets in once more… and it’s over. The very psychosis that made me so happy, so chaotic, and so melancholy with EMOTION for such a short time is gone. And I am the empty shell I’ve always been.
"And mostly, I am left to wonder... can you ever understand?"
Monday, April 06, 2009
"Dream with a vengeance, live with a passion, and love with a fury unmatched by those weak wandering souls around us..."
"... for you are the mourning within my eyes, and without hope, we have nothing."
"I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, if you'd promise to leap off the edge with me once we meet."
"... for you are the mourning within my eyes, and without hope, we have nothing."
"I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, if you'd promise to leap off the edge with me once we meet."
Sunday, April 05, 2009
How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong? Won't take my eyes off the ball again... You reel me out then you cut the string.
How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong? Won't take my eyes off the ball again... 'Cause you reel me out and then you cut the string.
You used to be alright... What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue? Did your string come undone?
One by one... One by one...Comes to us all... Is as soft as your pillow.
You used to be alright... What happened? Etcetera... Etcetera... Thanks for whatever.
15 steps then a sheer drop.
How come I up end where I started? How come I end up where I belong?
Won't take my eyes off the ball again... You reel me out and you cut the string.
Friday, April 03, 2009
And it gets worse...
I just got some really awful news. My Dad & my Stepmom (who has been in my life as long as I can remember) are splitting up.
I don't know what to do - I feel so lost. I didn't see it coming at all, and I'm really not prepared for my family to change. I don't have a conventional family by any means, but we've built traditions and such that worked, and that I loved, and now they are gone.
I know that she'll always be a huge part of my life, and I love her. I'm so worried about my dad, and at the same time so upset myself. It feels like my parents are getting divorced all over again.
I don't know what to do - I feel so lost. I didn't see it coming at all, and I'm really not prepared for my family to change. I don't have a conventional family by any means, but we've built traditions and such that worked, and that I loved, and now they are gone.
I know that she'll always be a huge part of my life, and I love her. I'm so worried about my dad, and at the same time so upset myself. It feels like my parents are getting divorced all over again.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Sigh
So life is a wee bit intense at the moment.
I've been sick off and on for the last month. Right now it's on.
I was in the hospital last night from 10pm-7am. It was the longest 9 hours of my life. I had several really bad asthma attacks, and the worst part is that I had to go alone. I just feel like this city has eaten me up & spit me back out. I feel so alone here.
Work is still insane. I can hardly keep up anymore, and it doesn't help that I've been off sick for four days of the past three weeks, and on vacation 2 days.
Last Monday I got into a car accident :-( It's the first accident I've ever been in, and it wasn't too bad, but there was several thousand dollars of damage to my car, and the other guys was about $1500. He slammed on his breaks & I sneezed so I didn't see it, and couldn't stop in time. My poor car. But I guess what matters is that I am okay, and so is he. I've got a rental for the time being.
My mom is coming to visit for Easter, and then on Monday the 13th, I am going back to London. I got invited to go to my college and be a guest speaker for the current students. It's going to be awesome... and they are paying me quite nicely for my time as well. Let's just say if I could charge that much hourly, I wouldn't be living in a bachelor apartment next month ;-)
Things with business has been really slow. It's making me nervous... I don't depend on that money, but I do like to have it as a buffer zone. It's always nice to have a couple grand in savings, or to be able to pay off more debt than I am right now.
The candy buffet aspect has really taken off, so at least I have booked a couple of those. (And I've booked two wedding coordination gigs!)
Anyways, if you know someone that needs a freelance bartender, etc. send them my way.
Above & Beyond Event Services - Raising the Bar!
www.AboveAndBeyondEventServices.com
I've been sick off and on for the last month. Right now it's on.
I was in the hospital last night from 10pm-7am. It was the longest 9 hours of my life. I had several really bad asthma attacks, and the worst part is that I had to go alone. I just feel like this city has eaten me up & spit me back out. I feel so alone here.
Work is still insane. I can hardly keep up anymore, and it doesn't help that I've been off sick for four days of the past three weeks, and on vacation 2 days.
Last Monday I got into a car accident :-( It's the first accident I've ever been in, and it wasn't too bad, but there was several thousand dollars of damage to my car, and the other guys was about $1500. He slammed on his breaks & I sneezed so I didn't see it, and couldn't stop in time. My poor car. But I guess what matters is that I am okay, and so is he. I've got a rental for the time being.
My mom is coming to visit for Easter, and then on Monday the 13th, I am going back to London. I got invited to go to my college and be a guest speaker for the current students. It's going to be awesome... and they are paying me quite nicely for my time as well. Let's just say if I could charge that much hourly, I wouldn't be living in a bachelor apartment next month ;-)
Things with business has been really slow. It's making me nervous... I don't depend on that money, but I do like to have it as a buffer zone. It's always nice to have a couple grand in savings, or to be able to pay off more debt than I am right now.
The candy buffet aspect has really taken off, so at least I have booked a couple of those. (And I've booked two wedding coordination gigs!)
Anyways, if you know someone that needs a freelance bartender, etc. send them my way.
Above & Beyond Event Services - Raising the Bar!
www.AboveAndBeyondEventServices.com
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Moving time.
So after two years in my place, and over five years with roomates, I'm finally moving into my own apartment. I found this really great place near where I am living now... it's about 2km west of here. It's sort of a bachelor apt. but there is a bedroom that literally just fits a bed & a closet. That way my bed doesn't just sit out in the livingroom.
It's brand new - never lived in before. All brand new appliances, including a dishwasher (whoo hoo!), and includes MAID SERVICE (double whoo hoo!).
I've been slowly but surely getting rid of my belongings so that I can fit everything. I sold my two plastic drawer sets for $15... my CD shelves for $30... and a bag of old cutlery that I wasn't even using for $10. $55 towards a new couch! I am going to sell my current couch and get a new one once I move, too.
Currently working on selling my round chair, then going to dig out what I have in my storage room & figure out what to get rid of there.
It's brand new - never lived in before. All brand new appliances, including a dishwasher (whoo hoo!), and includes MAID SERVICE (double whoo hoo!).
I've been slowly but surely getting rid of my belongings so that I can fit everything. I sold my two plastic drawer sets for $15... my CD shelves for $30... and a bag of old cutlery that I wasn't even using for $10. $55 towards a new couch! I am going to sell my current couch and get a new one once I move, too.
Currently working on selling my round chair, then going to dig out what I have in my storage room & figure out what to get rid of there.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Busy Bee
This week is busy.
Monday at work was pretty crazy. All of our systems shut down on Friday morning, so we're all trying to cram 5 days of work into 4. It's quite challenging.
After work, I went to Markham to go to Michael's (craft store). I found these AMAZING GIGANTIC cocktail glasses (they have Brandy snifters, champagne flutes, martini glasses & margarita glasses). I am going to buy them and use them for my candy buffets (and for drinking giant drinks, of course). They are seriously HUGE.
Anyways, so I bought some crafty stuff for the Wedding show on Saturday - I am setting up a MINI candy buffet. I did a test run yesterday and it looks wicked cool.
Today at work was also busy. I watched 'The City' on my lunch break because I never do anything at lunch anymore.
After work, I went to Yorkdale. I was on a mission to find the Sex and the City Ultimate Wedding Collection. Basically, I am raffling it off at the Wedding Show, becacuse I can buy it at cost from Universal. BUT I won't get it until later on, because I have to order it. SO I was going to buy one to display, then return it. I went to Chapters at Yorkdale, HMV at Yorkdale, and Zellers at Lawrence Square (sketch mall).
NO WHERE HAD IT. UGH so annoying. So I'm going to try to find one tomorrow, or else i'll just have to display a picture or something.
Then I finally came home & I have been watching TV since. On 90210, the girl got a tattoo at Venice Beach that said 'Dixon' and it was definitely done by the guy that did mine (they didn't show him but you could tell, and he's a pretty well known tattoo artist). HILARIOUS.
Okay that's all. More busy-ness to come... I have an event Saturday that I need to get some stuff for.
Monday at work was pretty crazy. All of our systems shut down on Friday morning, so we're all trying to cram 5 days of work into 4. It's quite challenging.
After work, I went to Markham to go to Michael's (craft store). I found these AMAZING GIGANTIC cocktail glasses (they have Brandy snifters, champagne flutes, martini glasses & margarita glasses). I am going to buy them and use them for my candy buffets (and for drinking giant drinks, of course). They are seriously HUGE.
Anyways, so I bought some crafty stuff for the Wedding show on Saturday - I am setting up a MINI candy buffet. I did a test run yesterday and it looks wicked cool.
Today at work was also busy. I watched 'The City' on my lunch break because I never do anything at lunch anymore.
After work, I went to Yorkdale. I was on a mission to find the Sex and the City Ultimate Wedding Collection. Basically, I am raffling it off at the Wedding Show, becacuse I can buy it at cost from Universal. BUT I won't get it until later on, because I have to order it. SO I was going to buy one to display, then return it. I went to Chapters at Yorkdale, HMV at Yorkdale, and Zellers at Lawrence Square (sketch mall).
NO WHERE HAD IT. UGH so annoying. So I'm going to try to find one tomorrow, or else i'll just have to display a picture or something.
Then I finally came home & I have been watching TV since. On 90210, the girl got a tattoo at Venice Beach that said 'Dixon' and it was definitely done by the guy that did mine (they didn't show him but you could tell, and he's a pretty well known tattoo artist). HILARIOUS.
Okay that's all. More busy-ness to come... I have an event Saturday that I need to get some stuff for.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Grammy comments:
1) Kanye's mullet is gross.
2) Kate Perry was out of tune, BUT had a sweet dress & gets kudos for singing live.
3) Who knew that Morgan Freeman & Kenny Chesney were friends?
4) I still can't believe M.I.A. performed on her due date...
5) I love love love iconic artist combos a la Dave Grohl & Paul McCartney playing 'When I Saw Her Standing There'. There is also a back-up singer that LOOKS like Tom Petty, but is not Tom Petty.
6) There's a lack of music on the Grammys. Don't they normally play the songs of winners, etc??
7) Rihanna & Chris Brown BOTH cancelled performances & appearances after Chris Brown is accused of felony battery on an un-named female.
8) Jennifer Nettle(s?) has an amazing voice... so pretty, and she looks pretty! She pretty much IS Sugarland, sadly.
9) Adele makes singing look effortless, and I hate hate hate her for it!!!!
10) Umm... Gwyneth looks SO good! I thought she was introducing Coldplay at first, and I was going to be very disappointed.
11) Radiohead blows me away yet again. Imagine being in that marching band & getting to play with them!?!?!
12) I think Jason Mraz brought his mom to the show. Cute.
13) The re-cap of the people that died always makes me sad. George Carlin, Jerry Wexler... Norman Smith!!! Levi Stubbs... Jheryl Busby... Isaac Hayes... Bo Diddley :-( ... aw man. Music has lost a lot of legends this year!
14) Awesome blues tribute with John Mayer, Keith Urban, BB King & Buddy Guy.
15) Love Allison Krauss & Robert Plant.
16) Lil Wayne is 26 and has THREE kids already!
17) There's a lot of bleach blonde going on with Green Day right now. Tre Cool is Tre white!
18) Rick Reuben - producer of the year... he should have gotten it when he did the Dixie Chicks album.
19) Album of the Year.... Radiohead!?!?! Ummm nope, Robert Plant & Allison Krauss swept EVERYTHING. Seriously... it was a great album, but really? Album of the year??
Annnnnnnd the Grammys come to an end. The conclusion of the night: 1) I'm tired. 2) I sitll want to fulfill my lifelong dream of attending, and can only hope the ceremony I make it to will be as great as this one.
1) Kanye's mullet is gross.
2) Kate Perry was out of tune, BUT had a sweet dress & gets kudos for singing live.
3) Who knew that Morgan Freeman & Kenny Chesney were friends?
4) I still can't believe M.I.A. performed on her due date...
5) I love love love iconic artist combos a la Dave Grohl & Paul McCartney playing 'When I Saw Her Standing There'. There is also a back-up singer that LOOKS like Tom Petty, but is not Tom Petty.
6) There's a lack of music on the Grammys. Don't they normally play the songs of winners, etc??
7) Rihanna & Chris Brown BOTH cancelled performances & appearances after Chris Brown is accused of felony battery on an un-named female.
8) Jennifer Nettle(s?) has an amazing voice... so pretty, and she looks pretty! She pretty much IS Sugarland, sadly.
9) Adele makes singing look effortless, and I hate hate hate her for it!!!!
10) Umm... Gwyneth looks SO good! I thought she was introducing Coldplay at first, and I was going to be very disappointed.
11) Radiohead blows me away yet again. Imagine being in that marching band & getting to play with them!?!?!
12) I think Jason Mraz brought his mom to the show. Cute.
13) The re-cap of the people that died always makes me sad. George Carlin, Jerry Wexler... Norman Smith!!! Levi Stubbs... Jheryl Busby... Isaac Hayes... Bo Diddley :-( ... aw man. Music has lost a lot of legends this year!
14) Awesome blues tribute with John Mayer, Keith Urban, BB King & Buddy Guy.
15) Love Allison Krauss & Robert Plant.
16) Lil Wayne is 26 and has THREE kids already!
17) There's a lot of bleach blonde going on with Green Day right now. Tre Cool is Tre white!
18) Rick Reuben - producer of the year... he should have gotten it when he did the Dixie Chicks album.
19) Album of the Year.... Radiohead!?!?! Ummm nope, Robert Plant & Allison Krauss swept EVERYTHING. Seriously... it was a great album, but really? Album of the year??
Annnnnnnd the Grammys come to an end. The conclusion of the night: 1) I'm tired. 2) I sitll want to fulfill my lifelong dream of attending, and can only hope the ceremony I make it to will be as great as this one.
So today was kind of productive.
I worked last night until 2am. Made some decent money, but was sooo tired when I got home.
This morning I set my alarm for 11am to get up for hip-hop. I woke up but ALMOST stayed in bed & skipped it. Don't get me wrong - I love love love hip-hop class... but anyone who knows me knows I love my sleep.
I ended up getting up because I know I can't go next weekend. I have a booth in a wedding show so I am working that on Sunday. ANYWAYS - hip-hop was sooo much fun. I really love that class. If I could get my cardio three times a week doing that, I definitely would.
Then I came home and watched an episode of Gilmore Girls and ate some lunch, then did the huge mound of dishes. I did a load of laundry, and got groceries. I made a really delish dinner as well. Now I am contemplating going to a movie at Yorkdale. But I might be too lazy...
Hmmm... shall I or shan't I??
I've decided that 2009 is going to be my 'solo' year. Not a lotta friends in the t-dot, been doing a lot of things by myself lately... oh well, it's not bad. Miss friends, but oh well.
I worked last night until 2am. Made some decent money, but was sooo tired when I got home.
This morning I set my alarm for 11am to get up for hip-hop. I woke up but ALMOST stayed in bed & skipped it. Don't get me wrong - I love love love hip-hop class... but anyone who knows me knows I love my sleep.
I ended up getting up because I know I can't go next weekend. I have a booth in a wedding show so I am working that on Sunday. ANYWAYS - hip-hop was sooo much fun. I really love that class. If I could get my cardio three times a week doing that, I definitely would.
Then I came home and watched an episode of Gilmore Girls and ate some lunch, then did the huge mound of dishes. I did a load of laundry, and got groceries. I made a really delish dinner as well. Now I am contemplating going to a movie at Yorkdale. But I might be too lazy...
Hmmm... shall I or shan't I??
I've decided that 2009 is going to be my 'solo' year. Not a lotta friends in the t-dot, been doing a lot of things by myself lately... oh well, it's not bad. Miss friends, but oh well.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Bruce Springsteen
So picture this. I am standing in my kitchen, washing my Sunday dishes. Yes - exciting, I know. The superbowl half time show is on. Bruce Springsteen is playing in the background.
I love Bruce Springsteen. Have since I drove to Toronto with my dad when I was young, and all we listened to was Greatest Hits.
So Bruce starts singing 'Born to Run' and it hits me - this is me. I was born to run. So, I go into my room, throw a few clothes in a bag & grab my toothbrush. I'm out the door before I can even think about it, and I'm in the car driving. I don't even know which direction I'm going to go - I just know that I want to run. That's all I want to do. That's all I've ever wanted to do. That's the only thing I will be happy doing.
I need to get out of here - this place is stifling my creativity. It's holding me back. Everything I do is so calculated, so contrite.
Flashback to the kitchen. Instead of packing that bag, I stand, letting the hot water run over my hands and I think about how I have a dentist appointment in the morning that I can't miss - because as of March 1st, my benefits are cut back. I have a conference call this week and a few super important things to take care of at the office. On top of that - I have a bunch of jobs coming up and clients that are depending on me. Top it off with a rent payment, a car payment, and some major bills, and let's face it - I'm not going anywhere.
Bruce starts singing 'Glory Days' and it all hits me - I don't want to be that person. Glory Days - well they'll pass you by. Glory days... in the blink of a young girls eye.
Where are my glory days going? I want them back. I need to reclaim them - because right now they are fleeting, and in the future - who knows if they'll even be glorious.
The game is resuming... and I hate football.
I love Bruce Springsteen. Have since I drove to Toronto with my dad when I was young, and all we listened to was Greatest Hits.
So Bruce starts singing 'Born to Run' and it hits me - this is me. I was born to run. So, I go into my room, throw a few clothes in a bag & grab my toothbrush. I'm out the door before I can even think about it, and I'm in the car driving. I don't even know which direction I'm going to go - I just know that I want to run. That's all I want to do. That's all I've ever wanted to do. That's the only thing I will be happy doing.
I need to get out of here - this place is stifling my creativity. It's holding me back. Everything I do is so calculated, so contrite.
Flashback to the kitchen. Instead of packing that bag, I stand, letting the hot water run over my hands and I think about how I have a dentist appointment in the morning that I can't miss - because as of March 1st, my benefits are cut back. I have a conference call this week and a few super important things to take care of at the office. On top of that - I have a bunch of jobs coming up and clients that are depending on me. Top it off with a rent payment, a car payment, and some major bills, and let's face it - I'm not going anywhere.
Bruce starts singing 'Glory Days' and it all hits me - I don't want to be that person. Glory Days - well they'll pass you by. Glory days... in the blink of a young girls eye.
Where are my glory days going? I want them back. I need to reclaim them - because right now they are fleeting, and in the future - who knows if they'll even be glorious.
The game is resuming... and I hate football.
Friday, January 09, 2009
This is worth it.
http://perezhilton.com/2009-01-09-rihanna-cover
This is an amazing cover of 'Please don't stop the music' by Rihanna. The duo is called The Bird & the Bee. They also do a phenomenal cover of the BeeGee's 'How Deep Is Your Love'.
Love it!
This is an amazing cover of 'Please don't stop the music' by Rihanna. The duo is called The Bird & the Bee. They also do a phenomenal cover of the BeeGee's 'How Deep Is Your Love'.
Love it!
Monday, January 05, 2009
Hiring...
So - after you read one resume, they pretty much all seem the same except the really, really bad ones.
I'm hiring sub-contractors to work for my business as bartenders & servers. I'm doing interviews on Saturday... 17 back to back interviews. Twenty minutes each. It should be good fun.
A lot of the people have some good potential I think. Some had great resumes, and professional cover letters, coupled with at least SOME experience. Others had TONS of experience... and were a little lacking in the email skills. Some were the whole package. I'm really looking forward to meeting them all, and being a hiring manager.
I've also discovered this program called Freshbooks that I can use to do estimate, invoices, pay my staff, and everything. It's great - I brand it all to my company and my clients can log in to check their estimates, pay their bills, etc.
Now i'm just hoping to drum up some more business. Soon I'll have a strong team, and I can focus on getting larger events and bigger clients. Whoo hoo!
I'm hiring sub-contractors to work for my business as bartenders & servers. I'm doing interviews on Saturday... 17 back to back interviews. Twenty minutes each. It should be good fun.
A lot of the people have some good potential I think. Some had great resumes, and professional cover letters, coupled with at least SOME experience. Others had TONS of experience... and were a little lacking in the email skills. Some were the whole package. I'm really looking forward to meeting them all, and being a hiring manager.
I've also discovered this program called Freshbooks that I can use to do estimate, invoices, pay my staff, and everything. It's great - I brand it all to my company and my clients can log in to check their estimates, pay their bills, etc.
Now i'm just hoping to drum up some more business. Soon I'll have a strong team, and I can focus on getting larger events and bigger clients. Whoo hoo!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
So this is the New Year...
It's a good song by Death Cab for Cutie... The New Year.
So this is the new year.
And I don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal, explosions off in the distance (in the distance).
So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions
So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that can hold us back.
There'd be no distance that could hold us back
So this is the new year
---
It's a weird situation - things are hopeful, but in my heart I wonder how much can really change just because we count down until the year changes?
My closests friends are already in 2009... I miss them. I feel left behind all over again (just kidding).
Resolutions are useless, but whatever. I'm going to make a list of things to do in 2009.
1. Develop my business to include event planning.
2. Write a business plan and apply for federal and provincial small-business grants.
3. Have a staff of 10 or so people.
4. Get promoted at work.
5. Travel somewhere new.
6. Move into my own apartment.
7. Move to LA (or try my very best to get as close as I can)
8. Go to Europe.
All the best in 09...
So this is the new year.
And I don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal, explosions off in the distance (in the distance).
So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions
So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that can hold us back.
There'd be no distance that could hold us back
So this is the new year
---
It's a weird situation - things are hopeful, but in my heart I wonder how much can really change just because we count down until the year changes?
My closests friends are already in 2009... I miss them. I feel left behind all over again (just kidding).
Resolutions are useless, but whatever. I'm going to make a list of things to do in 2009.
1. Develop my business to include event planning.
2. Write a business plan and apply for federal and provincial small-business grants.
3. Have a staff of 10 or so people.
4. Get promoted at work.
5. Travel somewhere new.
6. Move into my own apartment.
7. Move to LA (or try my very best to get as close as I can)
8. Go to Europe.
All the best in 09...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
B-b-b-b-b-birthday
My birthday... is going to do two things:
1) FUCKING OWN.
2) Be very, very hazy.
So far the plan is this:
15th is supposedly the last day of exams for my program, so pretty much I'll be going insane with my friends in London that night. I want to go out for dinner, then the bar or the Embassy, or anything... I don't care where, but it's my 19th so I'll be drinking. And tons of people from my program will probably come too, which is awesome.
The 17th is the day I go home, and we're going to Montana's, and the bar. That will be amazing because I'll see all my home friends and family.
The 18th, I'm having my closest Thunder Bay girlfriends over, and we're making cocktails and fondue-ing (which is potentially dangerous while combined but my mom will supervise lol).
So pretty much it's going to be ultimate and I cannot f'n wait.
1) FUCKING OWN.
2) Be very, very hazy.
So far the plan is this:
15th is supposedly the last day of exams for my program, so pretty much I'll be going insane with my friends in London that night. I want to go out for dinner, then the bar or the Embassy, or anything... I don't care where, but it's my 19th so I'll be drinking. And tons of people from my program will probably come too, which is awesome.
The 17th is the day I go home, and we're going to Montana's, and the bar. That will be amazing because I'll see all my home friends and family.
The 18th, I'm having my closest Thunder Bay girlfriends over, and we're making cocktails and fondue-ing (which is potentially dangerous while combined but my mom will supervise lol).
So pretty much it's going to be ultimate and I cannot f'n wait.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Dance dance revolution
So I feel really out of control lately.
Everything... is complicated. School is pretty much drowning me. I'm in the process of studying for my Intro to the Music Industry exam. I finished a recording engineering one today. Thursday is Intro and MIDI. Those are both bound to be insanely tough, and I'm a little scared.
I am studying my ass off. I refuse to do poorly in this program. I need to work my ass off. I think I am going to quit my job. It's becoming WAY too overwhelming, and I need to focus on school more. And I need to have fun now and again. I want to go out, meet people.
Everything just sort of feels like it's falling apart... and I'm trying REALLY hard to keep everything together. It's taking a lot out of me. Mostly my relationships with people are what stress me out the most. The school stuff is tangible, I can deal with it. It's hands on, and I'm the only one responsible for my destiny in that sense. My relationships, however, have two people involved... and I just feel like the only giver in most of them.
Sometimes I wish I could just be honest... with other people, and with myself. I always seem to set myself up for failure in the relationships in my life. Some of my relationships are better than they've ever been... but there are others that are most definitely suffering, and I'm not sure I'll be able to resucitate them. I guess it's time for things to go their own way. It's just hard to let go of some things. It's hard to let go of a strong notion. It's hard to let go of something you want to work to save. But in all honesty... you can't do it on your own. You just can't.
Everything... is complicated. School is pretty much drowning me. I'm in the process of studying for my Intro to the Music Industry exam. I finished a recording engineering one today. Thursday is Intro and MIDI. Those are both bound to be insanely tough, and I'm a little scared.
I am studying my ass off. I refuse to do poorly in this program. I need to work my ass off. I think I am going to quit my job. It's becoming WAY too overwhelming, and I need to focus on school more. And I need to have fun now and again. I want to go out, meet people.
Everything just sort of feels like it's falling apart... and I'm trying REALLY hard to keep everything together. It's taking a lot out of me. Mostly my relationships with people are what stress me out the most. The school stuff is tangible, I can deal with it. It's hands on, and I'm the only one responsible for my destiny in that sense. My relationships, however, have two people involved... and I just feel like the only giver in most of them.
Sometimes I wish I could just be honest... with other people, and with myself. I always seem to set myself up for failure in the relationships in my life. Some of my relationships are better than they've ever been... but there are others that are most definitely suffering, and I'm not sure I'll be able to resucitate them. I guess it's time for things to go their own way. It's just hard to let go of some things. It's hard to let go of a strong notion. It's hard to let go of something you want to work to save. But in all honesty... you can't do it on your own. You just can't.
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